Explanation
by punkhazard
Summary: Tenten has some explaining to do about her recent behavior involving the death of a teammate. SakuTen friendship with NejiTen as the pairing.


"How was it?" Tenten asked, slurping up some ramen at Ichiraku. Sakura looked over at her, polishing off a bowl herself and holding it out for another. She raised a quizzical brow.

"How was what?" she replied. Teuchi took her bowl and set back to make another of her usual. Tenten looked down into the broth and through some of the steam that was rising up. She hated to ask this of her friend, but she didn't really have anyone else close enough to talk to except him. But he was gone.

"When Sasuke left? I mean, he's been on the brink of death so many times and you've been there for him. Do you think if I learned some healing jutsu I could have saved him too? I could have been there..." she explained. Sakura found it surprising there was no strain in her voice, but she was a strong kunoichi.

"Don't do that to yourself." Sakura told Tenten, but it was natural for one to blame themselves when death came to someone they love. Sakura motioned for her to eat more, and while Tenten scooped some more noodles in her mouth, Sakura tried to think of the right thing to say. "It felt like, perhaps, it felt like being handed ramen without a bowl. Everything is there; Eggs, leeks, noodles, and broth, but there's nothing to hold it together. You have it all, but it's just a mess. It's fallen apart and before you know it, it's slipping through your fingers and splattering at your feet. No matter how hard you try to put it back together, it's gone for good. All you can do is pick it up and move on." she said. "Then again, I'm sure losing someone you love is a lot more complicated than a bowl of ramen."

"Unless you're Naruto." Tenten said after a full swallow. The two of them dully laughed, and Sakura wan handed a new bowl. Tenten hummed though and stirred around the broth and a few stray noodles.

"It's like, I knew him for so long, and I even think I may have liked him a little. Okay, a lot, but now he's just… He's vanished. I know you lose comrades in war like his sensei lost her husband, but I never thought it would hit so close to home. It all happened so fast that I just haven't had the time to cry. I haven't had the time to take it all in and really let it hit me." she said. Sakura ate some of her ramen and nodded, telling Tenten she was still listening.

"I've been told I'm cold by more than a few people since this has all kind of settled down. The wars nowhere near over, and after this, it's back to battle. But do you know how it feels to have people on your side tell you you're heartless because I couldn't bring myself to cry over his dead body? I couldn't cry in front of him! Dead or not, I couldn't show weakness in front of the person I trained with for years! I couldn't let him know it hurt. He would never forgive himself for letting his teammate down."

Sakura couldn't help but to cringe at how loud her friend's voice was getting, but she slowly relaxed her shoulders as she let it sink in. She never had a problem crying in front of Naruto or Sasuke, because she knew she was the weakest. Sakura knew she could never really seriously train with her two other cohorts, because while she was strong, she wasn't nearly as strong as them.

Then there was Tenten, who like her was by no means lacking in power, but compared to Lee and Neji, she was the weakest. But she had weapons from every angle. Tenten, while polishing her skills could make Neji's stronger. Sakura could only heal Naruto when he pushed himself too hard and offer him a punch when he needed one.

Tenten's eyes glimmered with a sort of longing. She needed the words to be out, and Sakura was there to hear them. She didn't have many close friends in Konoha aside from Lee and Neji, and Neji was gone. Sakura never knew the feeling of being close with Sasuke, which is why she guessed she could never really know the pain.

"I miss him. I miss the way he'd always brush off everything like it didn't mean a thing. He treated me as his equal. He never looked down on me. I've always been the last kunoichi chosen for anything. I've always been last because I've always been the most useless, but he made me feel like I was worth something. He made me believe in myself, which I haven't done in awhile. He held my hand through thick and thin and now every crack that he filled is wide open and ready for a beating. Dying on the battlefield would be a blessing because if he's not there when I get off, it's not worth the fight."

"Don't. Don't even say that Tenten. No one would want you dead, especially not him. Do you know how pissed off he'd be if he saw you up in heaven? Just because you have the name doesn't mean you should follow suit. Haven't you always said you hated weak people? Why are you faltering to someone you're going to hate? Do you _want _to hate yourself?" Sakura reprimanded. Tenten attempted a stab at a noodle before pushing her bowl away. She was still hungry though.

Perhaps she did want to hate herself. She had let him die. If she was there, she could have protected him. Maybe. The whole situation was a maybe, and maybe then Neji would think that men and women were equal. Maybe he'd see her as a hero. Maybe he'd fall in love with her. Tenten pulled her bowl back and sipped at the broth, swallowing stray bits here and there, letting them fill up the void inside her.

"It must be hard. Sasuke has a chance of coming back for me, but you, you're another story. At least Sasuke knew I loved him. What about you? Did Neji have any idea?" Sakura asked, motioning for another bowl for Tenten. She sighed, shrugging and propping her chin in her hands. She looked up at the ceiling and shut her eyes. A small smile played on her lips.

"I think it was an idea and an idea alone. He was so full of pride and had such a work ethic; I don't think he had time for petty things like crushes or love at all. He grew up tough. He didn't get family love like you and I, so I think as a child it was instilled in him that things like that weren't needed. Oh, how I wish I could have shown him how wonderful a thing it can really be. But then again, because of it, it's made me miserable. What a contradiction." Tenten laughed coolly. Another ramen was set in front of her and she took no time digging in.

"Yeah, me too." Sakura said, drinking the last in her bowl. She'd sit and wait for her friend to be done, because that's what they do; They're there. Tenten wasn't the first person she'd pick to hang out with, but she was the last person she'd expect to call her out to talk to. If she needed to talk, it must be bad, and Sakura would always listen.

"You're allowed to cry you know. He's not here watching." Sakura said, looking down at the counter. She scratched some aimless doodles into the wood and felt a splinter piece her nail bed. She pulled her finger up quickly and looked over at Tenten, who still was sitting with a straight face.

"He is watching over me though. Much like the birds that seemed to watch over him, I'm sure he's hovering over me somewhere, cheering me on in his own special way. I don't think I'll cry anytime soon, and until then, if people think I'm cold, then let it be. I know what's best for me and what would make him happy. He hated weakness, and I hate weakness. Him and I were perfect for each other, and we still are, but I guess now he'll just have to push me from the sidelines." Tenten said. There was still a bit of ramen left in her bowl, but she pushed it back. "Look at me now Neji!" she said, laughing a little, pulling her sleeve back and flexing her arm. "Who's the stronger ninja now! You can't even fight me, because you're dead! You're dead! You're... dead."

She repeated the words under her breath, and Sakura knew then it was time to go. She called over Teuchi to clean up the bowls and Sakura threw on her jacket, leaving Tenten with a pat on the back and a ruffle of the hair. As a friend, she knew the time to be there, but she also knew the time to leave. She'd let Tenten be strong in her eyes forever.

Tenten lifted a hand weakly to wave her off as the lights dimmed in the Ichiraku ramen shop, but she stayed seated. Tenten folded her arms on the table and let her head sink in them, shutting her eyes and allowing her shoulders to shake.

"You're dead, and look at me now." she sobbed as tears fell from her face, gracing the counter below with little splashes. "I may be cold, but nothing is colder than the feeling of you not being in my presence."

"I miss you, Neji."


End file.
